The relationships we have with the world are largely determined by the relationships we have with ourselves. – Greg Anderson – Musician
It always amazes me when I see two people faced with almost the exact same circumstance in their life and they see it so very drastically differently. Society simplifies this difference by saying “he/she that sees the good in life is an optimist” or “sees the glass half full while the other may see it half empty.”
I often use the example of my old friend and I walking to work when I see an X in the sky. When I exclaim my surprise to my friend she frowns and says, “Oh no! Now we will have a terrible day. An X is a curse.”
Laughing I assured her that an X is a blessing. It is a kiss from the Universe. We would have a wonderful day full of blessings.
Later on that day I gave my friend a call.
“How are you?” I asked.
“My day has been horrible. Nothing has gone right. My computer shut down and nothing is getting done. I had to walk to all the different buildings to deliver books. Horrible day,” she replied exasperated. How are you?
“I am doing great. My day has gone smoothly and I was very productive. I even met someone on my walk to the printers that may help us grow our business. It was wonderful day. I am so sorry your day was so rough.”
Each of us started our day fresh. One felt blessings and possibility the other felt cursed. Every part of the day gave each of us opportunities to form our day, but it is we who view these opportunities, process them in our thinking and see them as we will.
Clouds and curses may seem simple enough but our feelings about ourselves and the world around us creates our world, helps us to not only weather any difficulty but thrive, and helps us truly see we are the masters of this incredible life.
During my divorce I met 4 other women going through the same very difficult circumstances I was going through. These women were from all over the country but were experiencing the same thing as I was experiencing. This was amazing to me.
Each of us had long divorces with heavy attacks from the lawyers. But what made the divorce even harder was the appearance of what seemed an outside bully attacking us and our families. None of us can say it was because of the divorce, however we all did experience it. It was how we experienced it that differed.
At the end of 5 years I was the only one to have my family intact and growing stronger, a home and a life moving forward to better. The other women lost their families, their homes and became bitter, sad, depressed and poor.
Did I see the blessings in all this difficulty? That would be a stretch. What I did do differently is realize that with all the chaos I had to learn to see what was real and what was a façade. Why?
I truly feel it is because I chose to look within myself and discover and gather all my strength, confidence and find people who would help me open my eyes and focus. My kids were depending on me – I was depending on me. I had to become the person that could handle this situation. So I read books, watched videos and found incredible mentors that helped me put on the glass to see the reality and possibility. But it had to come from inside me! There was so much forgiveness, surrendering, reflection, and firm decisions throughout the process.
This does not mean I went into denial. Denial would have cost me my life. Instead I learned to raise my sights above the chaos or forest to see a clear path for the betterment of all. First and foremost that was to protect my home, family and help my kids feel secure. It took knowing what I could control and being proactive in my actions and decisions always keeping the overall focus of where we were going.
What was the difference between myself and the other women? I would not succumb to fear. I would not become the victim. And most of all I wanted to be there for my kids and make sure they felt strong.
It was consciously changing the glasses in which I viewed my world by learning and doing. But even more important it was going inside myself, connecting and drawing on the wonderful gifts we all have intuition, will, perception, memory and imagination. Drawing out all the good in me so I could bring all the good I had inside out to survive this difficulty in the best way I could.
It is the times that are the most difficult that we must reach inside, discover our own gifts, open ourselves to more and allow this inner part of us guide us to who we want to be, how we want to handle the difficulty and focus on where we want to go. It all starts with having a strong relationship with us.